I’m no longer afraid to fail - an origin story of motherhood, being and business
(But I start things knowing I might be good at them…)
Picture the scene. It’s April 2015. I’m pregnant with my second child and my first is a bonny 8 month old. I’m working as a Director of Music full time, singing freelance for the likes of Tenebrae, Monteverdi Choir (they sang for the King this weekend - I couldn’t make the schedule work!) and others in evenings once she’s asleep, in school holidays, flitting and flying everywhere. It’s wild. It’s addictive.
I had returned to my Director of Music 6 months after having my daughter. It had been a hard-fought position and I was sure I would “make it work” alongside singing and mummy-ing. The commute was easy. My little one had two days a week with my parents, two days a week with a childminder and one day a week with Daddy. She was happy, and it was only term-time, so what was the problem? It was only a problem if it was a problem for us, surely?
But, oh cripes, motherhood is so more more nuanced than that.
It wasn’t that she was unhappy. She loved life. She thrived. And my work? I was smashing it, whilst simultaneously rushing to Abbey Road or a cold church to sing, or to the local library to bounce her on my knee, her brother in utero kicking away whilst we wound the bobbin up.
And yet (isn’t there always an “and yet” in an origin story like this?!) And yet the guilt was so often overwhelming.
It took me a time to work out why this was, but on reflection I think it comes down to focus. It didn’t matter how busy my job and freelance careers were because I was in control and it was all I had to do. It was simply easier to manage the relentless focus of this in comparison to the myriad and contrasting demands of my baby and my pregnant body. When I was with my daughter I didn’t always know what she needed. She was full of energy and effervescence but sometimes I’d feel myself so fidgety, desperate to be doing. Sometimes I was bored when I was with her. I even remember at one point feeling relief that a meeting was overrunning because I just couldn’t face doing bedtime–I simply didn’t feel able to compartmentalise–to go from being Laura Oldfield, person of Great Import to Mummy.
As soon as I had my son, something switched. I knew there was no way I could manage my life as it had been. It didn’t matter that I had loved that job and that life. I had a new, different, fuller and yet smaller life and I needed to be able to accept, enjoy and embrace it. The relief that came with accepting that felt profound.
Zoom forward and it’s June 2016. I have a 21 month old and a 6 month old. I’ve just decided to start a hypnobirthing and antenatal business, having completed a coaching course. I’m excited, scared and a bit overwhelmed. I’ve also secured a 2-day-a-week teaching job.
And just like that…
I’ll carry on with the “origin story” soon but I’d love to know in the comments what you’d like to hear about next from my experiences.
We all have our origin stories, and we deserve to reflect on them and to learn from them. It’s now May 2023 and I am about to be fully freelance, with my fingers in so many scrumptious pies it thrills and scares me in equal measure. I’ve just turned 38. My third child is now 10 months. Life has a different rhythm. And I feel called to reflect on it all. On business. On balance. On being.
And so I am, and I invite you to join me.
In the short term, alongside my paid subscribers I’m starting The Artist’s Way - you can read more about that here:
And a longer-term project that I am so proud to share with my pal and colleague Claire
is our brand new interactive magazine and podcast: . The whole text is at the end of this email, but you can check out the original post here - we would be so thrilled to have your support and ears with us. There are also opportunities to support us from a “friend” donation to full sponsorship.1What’s your origin story? I’d love you to share a snippet with me!
Much love,
Laura
Some of original post below copied and pasted from our original launch post here
Introducing - Company of Two
We’re both mothers with ‘companies of one’ and we met online via Instagram before the pandemic.
Since then, we have supported each other in creative project work, as accountability pals and shared how our new babies and the transition has shaped and changed our work and family balance.
We’ve never met in real life but we’ve stayed in touch in a myriad of ways from zoom chats to creative whatsapp groups and it’s all been so beautiful. Our friendship has blossomed as has our trust in each other and we’re so excited to launch a new creative project together for 2023.
We started the Company of Two space here on Substack to house our brand new podcast and to further encourage creativity and quiet ambition through motherhood.
As self employed creatives, we both continued to work in intentional ways while our babies were small, through the intensity of the toddler years and beyond.
It’s now been nine years of weaving our creative lives and work into motherhood.
We want to invite you to be part of the next step of our journey and make space for yours too.
We have a set of four hour long podcast episodes planned around our life as creatives, business owners and mothers.
The podcast will launch in Summer 2023 shared in all the usual spaces and on Substack too.
The episodes will all follow the same format.
Balance - a chat about what’s working & what’s not for us in our creative life and business
A ‘Help I’m stuck’ question from our community of working mothers and a twenty minute long mentoring and coaching answer from us
Gratitude Notes - a set of shout outs for what you are creating and sharing in the world. We love to cheerlead you and your quiet ambitions and big dreams!
Would you like to be part of our collective sharing and lifting up creative mothers in business?
You’re welcome to be here as a free subscriber and join our comment chats - we love a cuppa and a catch up we also have a SPONSORSHIP offer to you to lift up the work you’re doing and help you reach a bigger network.
We have a combined social media following of over 10,000 followers/ subs and have each had thousands of podcasts downloads from other podcasts we’ve hosted, guested on so we have high hopes for this space.
We’re curious about how it might shape and change with us over the next year and we’re looking forward to offering more to you. There’ll be guest posts, posts from us and our hour long podcast episodes here too.
We want to create a space where women feel held during pregnancy, maternity leave and in their business whilst balancing motherhood and as part of that we’re inviting you to build this with us.
The offer to you
Be our sponsor - £150 donation. Sponsor of the podcast with the option to submit a question to us to be answered live by us on the podcast plus all your links and logo shared back here in every article we publish in 2023. (X4 spots available)
Be our friend - £50 donation. Read at the end - your bio, story and links to your business shared on the podcast and show notes. (20 spots available) 19 left
Support our work - £10 donation. Be on our ‘thanks to you’ list published in our gratitude notes each episode. (Unlimited spots available)
And of course if you don’t have an internet presence/ want to support financially you can just support us by sharing this with others.
How donations will be spent;
5% of all donations go to Postpartum Matters CIC
Pod hosting, music and edits
Identity - Visuals and illustration
Nursery fees (for when we record together).
Pay it forward - if there’s more in the pot than we need we’ll pay it forward and donate to a mother who is keen work with us and wouldn’t be in a position to pay.
You absolutely don’t have to invest to be here. We are building a community through this interactive magazine and everyone’s welcome.
Ready to invest? Have questions about that part?
Fill in this short form and we’ll be in touch.
Don’t be afraid to ask for sponsorship or funding - I have a whole post on my application for Developing your Creative Practice funding here
Love the idea of life becoming fuller and smaller x
I just adore all the honesty and the push pull of different modes of you, of me of us in this writing Laura - brilliant! I just can’t wait.